Hi Joseph,
I usually take the backseat for questions- but I’ve gotten a great help from this community, and I cherish it deeply. I want to return the favor to you.
This, however, is not a legal advice. Take it as.. your older acquaintance giving you her 2 cents.
Firstly, being in your 20s— barely at that— is already a confusing time. You are legally an adult, but there are so many things in this world that you aren’t quite fully prepared to take on. Yet, some aspects of the society push on you to act like one already. Your current life lesson is a start of that.
And, here, with Elan’s teachings, we focus on the growth of you. Not what your ex wants of you, not what your mother wants of you, but just you. If I understood your post correctly, you didn’t want any of this from the start. Maybe that’s a strong wording, because at that time you didn’t know what all of it meant— but when your ex told you that she’s keeping the baby, you intuitively felt wrong.
Being the caring person you are, you used your logical reasoning and societal conditioning to suppress your intuition— and decided to be persuaded by your mother, who ultimately pushed you to take partial custody, because that’s more socially acceptable.
And fast forwarding to now, thinking about how it all went— It feels wrong. I’d really want you to feel that feeling. Take out all the guilt, the “should’s”, your mom’s voice in your head, the ex’s, your friends’, and all of it.
Do you want the child in your life? Yes or no?
If your immediate, gut-feeling answer is a solid NO, as hard as it may be, you must act on it. And no, trying to change your thinking process to reason yourself INTO liking this- it won’t work. Maybe, if you’ve successfully psyched yourself to embrace it all and love it— not saying it isn’t impossible— it will feel like you’ve lost a part of yourself. Because that “NO” you felt, which is a part of you, will need to be recognized and expressed in some way… soon or later.
As Elan says, “how does this serve me, in the exact way it presents itself, right now?” My 2 cents would be— and strongly hoping it for you— that you’ll use this opportunity to STAY TRUE to yourself. Follow how you truly feel. Honor your feelings by act on them, however they would mean.
And, most importantly, when it’s time— take your time to grieve. Acting on how you feel, in your situation, could cause much doubt, guilt and shame, both from internal and external sources. It could feel relentless at times. When that comes, go inward… connect with the deeper you, the one that who intuitively knew it felt wrong… and trust in him.
I strongly suggest you seek out a professional therapist/psychiatrist to help you when you feel like it’s time. Our channeled entity is amazing at what he does, but sometimes you need the physical 3D support.
Before this gets too long, I’ll leave with the last thought. There are many, many ways to interpret any situations. No one way is ever “the right” way, except whether you fully resonate with it or not. If you don’t feel one way or the other, that’s the time you seek help so you can “straighten out” your thoughts and process your feelings.
Again, I hope you see this as an opportunity to strengthen the connection with yourself. Whatever you choose, you can do this. Your guides are with you at all times.
Much love to you!