Toxic Behaviour - How to handle it?
Hi everyone! I wanted to share something I've been exploring recently and I'd appreciate any other perspective! 😘
I've been playing a game and met some people online. All of them were nice and friendly but recently one person started to stick out. I actually talked to that person a lot and we got along well but in the past few weeks his behavior has changed towards me. He started making passive-aggressive comments in order to put me down or make me feel less than. I was first taken aback because he had been really friendly before that but I knew from previous conversations that he had his own set of problems which I was understanding of.
Well, the first time these passive-aggressive remarks or bullying happened I didn't want to react impulsively so I stayed quiet and just decided to leave. Afterwards I talked to him stating that I had taken it too personally and I even thanked him for this interaction because I learned from it which surprised him (that’s what I learned from Elan :D). He seemed understanding and apologized. He said he knows that his behavior is toxic but that he wants to improve himself. Good for him, I encouraged it!
Ok, so for me that was solved. I learned from that interaction and decided to react positively. The only thing that stuck in my mind was that "I shouldn't interact with him further" but I did anyway because I thought it was resolved. I believe that people can change positively. But I didn't talk to him a lot anymore after that.
A few days later I heard that he was getting angry at someone else (who I also talk to and play with). He seemed to have not decided to change and had a similarly impulsive reaction. After that he wasn't online very often and I thought maybe he just needed some alone time.
Well, today when I was playing with the others he joined us and started making passive-aggressive comments again. This time I just realized I want to cut off that person from my life. It's not that these comments hurt my self-esteem but I feel like we are just too different. I know he does these things because of his own negative feelings about himself but I feel repulsed by that negativity and I want to be with people who share the same positive values that I have. One thing that he showed me the most is how much more I "see" negativity. I feel like I never recognized it so intensely before. So in a way it's positive because it shows me what I don’t prefer. But I have to admit there were times when I just wanted to tell him to shut up. 😅
For me it was also a way of realizing that I want to be able to handle my emotions quicker and easier and not resist feeling them fully. I also noticed I was judging myself too harshly at times for feeling angry or repulsed by his behavior.
But I'm conflicted about what to do next. I want to make a positive decision and not "run away" from negativity. Since it's only an online friendship I can easily block off any further contact. I thought about writing a friendly message saying that we should go our separate ways but I’m not sure.
I thought about what to do and then I remembered this cute forum and felt inclined to write it here. 💖